Pop Chefs: Farewell, 'Downton' →
popchefs: There is nothing like emotional eating while watching a British soap opera. Yes, America. You have been watching a British soap opera full of gorgeous costumes, witty retorts, and a lot of death. Get over it and get fat. It is, after all, what we do best. For our season 3 finale nosh, Joshua and…
Adults, just stop talking
I have a list of things that I wish adults would stop saying. This list grows and changes on an almost daily basis. Today, this is what I think adults need to stop saying. *Please note that I have said all of these things in the past week. I am just as guilty and shitty.* 1- “Happy Friday!” - We get it. The work week is a bust and no one likes it. But Friday comes weekly and very...
I like you, Honey Boo Boo →
I’ll say it again. They may be kind of gross, redneck, and a little slow, but this is still not the worst family I’ve ever seen on television and, if anything, they seem to be a lot happier and less discriminatory than most southern families I’ve met in person. So, there’s that. Plus, she has an “Uncle Poodle.” Team Boo Boo! P.S. Why do you guys sneeze so much?...
During a Period
Uterus: I hope you didn't like those underwear.
Stomach: EAT ALL THE THINGS!
Emotions: I don't care that you were crying your eyes out ten minutes ago, that was fucking funny. Now go act like you're high until I see something that pisses me the fuck off.
Stomach: ESPECIALLY THE CHOCOLATY THINGS!
Uterus: Also I've decided to act like something's constantly punching me. I hope you don't mind.
Me: why can I not have a penis.
I post everything here now. http://caseygp.blogspot.com/ Yep. Totally cheating on you, Tumblr. Sorry.
People of Walmart project
Upon viewing PeopleofWalmart.com, it occurred to me that some of these people have to know by now that they: A. Look ridiculous B. Their photographs are being taken. C. Uh…both? So I am embarking on something great…getting myself on that blog. I’m cooking up a wardrobe, I’m getting together a game plan. I am going to spend countless hours at Georgia Walmarts in December....
Things that go spark in the night
If there’s one thing I hate more than squeaky hinges, it’s not getting enough sleep. You want to talk about what a delirious and slightly grumpy Gretel I am while typing this, then come on down to my place of work…but please, bring coffee. In spite of my sour mood I have to admit that, after this morning’s incident, I am very thankful for my home, my life, and the fact...
Pondering the past.
*On the last day of 3rd grade, I asked my teacher if she would miss me. She said that she would. I then felt obligated to say that I would miss her as well. But, I didn’t feel it. It was just words. I don’t know why I did this. *When I was 12, I was certain that I would be kind of slutty in high school. Some dreams just aren’t meant to come to fruition, I guess.
Man goes to Forget Me Not Florist to purchase flowers on his debit card. Man’s wife checks bank statement and realizes those flowers were not for her. Man confesses to infidelity. Memaw and co. are subpoenaed to submit evidence for the divorce proceedings. Favorite story ever. What an idiot.
Didn't they already DO this?
The soon-to-be divorced couple Jon and Kate Gosselin are reportedly both sitting down to “provide new insights on their recent life events” and discuss “what the future holds for them and their eight children.”
Emily: I’ll be damned if one more person I know meets a fucking ghostbuster and i don’t and that includes you. i’ll have you know me: Oh, shit. Sent at 1:58 PM on Friday Emily: yeah so you better think before you go on a date with Ernie Hudson i had to look up his name.
Your Dirty Laundry is Repulsive
Headline News is infuriating me and causing me to express myself via the interwebs. Sometimes this happens. The subject this evening—-Jon and Kate. So…I’ve written them a letter that they will never read. Here’s the deal. You had me with your twins, and your six babies, and your cute little reality show. I watched, I ooh-ed, I ahh-ed, the whole deal. However, I find the...
If you’re wanting tickets to a comedy show and you have two options—-either calling the box office yourself or having your daughter call the box office while you shout out questions for her to ask, spout out your credit card information so the ticket seller has to hear everything twice (once muffled, once clear) then you should probably opt for choice #1. Why do you need a middle...
Halloween is stupid, ladies
It really shouldn’t be. But you make it so. This is upsetting me, as a female and as a Ghostbusters fan. http://www.buycostumes.com/Secret-Wishes-Ghostbuster-Sexy-Adult-Costume/31456/ProductDetail.aspx?REF=SCE-bizrate
Here’s Monday’s pet peeves. 1- Street cleaning. Why must you clean so many streets at once when you just cleaned them last week? Where are people supposed to park?! 2- Traffic jams that are not caused by accidents. 3- Married couples who talk to one another on Facebook all day. Not needed. 4- Customers who share way too much info when calling in, i.e. “It’s my...
Alright, public. It is 2009. We have cellular devices which enable us to store so much information, they have nearly rendered us stupid, and we are de-evolving. That’s the bad news. The good news is that the only numbers you need to commit to memory these days are: 1) Your social security number. 2) Your OWN phone number. The comment “Well, I don’t know my number, because I...
It began, if I remember it correctly, with the invention of a vile marketing scheme for a product known as “Go-Gurt.” This stuff: Looks appetizing, doesn’t it?! The idea Yoplait had was that kids can eat this yogurt on the go, without a utensil. Just suck the gooey goodness from a plastic tube. Because, kids have so many important things to get to on a daily basis, they simply...
Natasha Richardson’s Family Will Never Forget Her source: People.com Well, why would they? First of all, she just passed away six months ago, so unless your short term memory is shot all to hell, of course you remember. Secondly…she was her FAMILY! They aren’t heartless! It is very atypical for a family to just write off a loved one after their dead. “Oh, mom? Who’s...
first date (n.)— In most cases, an instance in which two individuals who do not know one other very well spend several hours sharing a meal and awkward conversation with the understanding that, at least one of those people will want to put their mouth on the other one by the end of the evening. see also: classy whoring
NOT the highlight of my day
“The guest will be departuring early.” Departuring?! This was a hotel concierge talking like this. Just goes to show you, you may wear a fancy coat and heels to work, but it doesn’t make you smarter than the chick at the box office wearing jeans and a headset.
Highlight of my day
“I’m sorry, darlin’, I can barely hear ya! I’m on a locomotive!”
From arguing amongst one another about healthcare, to racist comments about our current President, to blowing up civilians in other countries “in the name of freedom”, to allowing people like Jon and Kate overstay their welcome in the media…9/11 really did change us, didn’t it, America? We. Will. Never. Be. The. Same. Take.Off.Your.Shoes.At. Security.
Are you not finding out who that horse-riding hippie is?! Goddammit, Casey,...– Jo Feldman
People I went to high school with have children. Not babies, but legitimate children. Little people who can talk, hold full conversations, and learn things. This blows my mind. I can’t even keep a plant alive.
Japan, in few words
So, I scribbled notes while on my trip. Here is what was captured in pen and ink, translated to blog form. 7:40, Central US time On a plane Ambien taken Noodles eaten Napped through 17 Again (Sorry, Zac) Awoke to snake time <—-(or, “snack”…please see above about the Ambien) Drinking wine Altitude drunk (CHECK!) Man, being on the way to Japan is so crazy. This old...
An ad for tomorrow’s Martha Stewart show was on. “Guess who’s in our craft room…Q-Tip!” Q-Tip. The rapper…hip hop artist…whatever. Why is Martha hanging out with Q-Tip? Next time I “tumble for ya” it may be a bit Japanesey.
Do it. Like, now!
1-888-225-7159 Menu option #…6, I think. You’re going to want to choose that if you want to hear a pirate talk. No joke. A land pirate works for Shutterfly. Go get some!
Convo with Dad
Dad: Savannah Square burned down. Me: What? Dad: The building where Holly cut hair. Me: Oh, no! How? Dad: It caught on fire. Me: Well, I did not deserve that, Todd. I know it caught on fire! Do they think it was arson? Was it electrical? Dad: They’re investigating. One of the women who rented space there is late paying her rent so they were going to throw her out… Me: So you...
This is so out of focus, but could I look any happier than I do when I’m sandwiched by these kiwi gentlemen? Love them!
Best invention! Thanks 21st Century
Get one! Only 10 bones! http://www.cellfoam.com/