December 2009
1 post
hey.
I post everything here now.
http://caseygp.blogspot.com/
Yep. Totally cheating on you, Tumblr. Sorry.
November 2009
7 posts
1 tag
People of Walmart project
Upon viewing PeopleofWalmart.com, it occurred to me that some of these people have to know by now that they:
A. Look ridiculous B. Their photographs are being taken. C. Uh…both? So I am embarking on something great…getting myself on that blog. I’m cooking up a wardrobe, I’m getting together a game plan. I am going to spend countless hours at Georgia Walmarts in December....
Things that go spark in the night
If there’s one thing I hate more than squeaky hinges, it’s not getting enough sleep. You want to talk about what a delirious and slightly grumpy Gretel I am while typing this, then come on down to my place of work…but please, bring coffee. In spite of my sour mood I have to admit that, after this morning’s incident, I am very thankful for my home, my life, and the fact...
Pondering the past.
*On the last day of 3rd grade, I asked my teacher if she would miss me. She said that she would. I then felt obligated to say that I would miss her as well. But, I didn’t feel it. It was just words. I don’t know why I did this.
*When I was 12, I was certain that I would be kind of slutty in high school. Some dreams just aren’t meant to come to fruition, I guess.
1 tag
True story
Man goes to Forget Me Not Florist to purchase flowers on his debit card. Man’s wife checks bank statement and realizes those flowers were not for her. Man confesses to infidelity. Memaw and co. are subpoenaed to submit evidence for the divorce proceedings.
Favorite story ever. What an idiot.
Didn't they already DO this?
The soon-to-be divorced couple Jon and Kate Gosselin are reportedly both sitting down to “provide new insights on their recent life events” and discuss “what the future holds for them and their eight children.”
GChatting
Emily: I’ll be damned if one more person I know meets a fucking ghostbuster and i don’t and that includes you. i’ll have you know me: Oh, shit. Sent at 1:58 PM on Friday Emily: yeah so you better think before you go on a date with Ernie Hudson i had to look up his name.
1 tag
Your Dirty Laundry is Repulsive
Headline News is infuriating me and causing me to express myself via the interwebs. Sometimes this happens. The subject this evening—-Jon and Kate. So…I’ve written them a letter that they will never read.
Here’s the deal. You had me with your twins, and your six babies, and your cute little reality show. I watched, I ooh-ed, I ahh-ed, the whole deal. However, I find the...
October 2009
4 posts
Why?
If you’re wanting tickets to a comedy show and you have two options—-either calling the box office yourself
or
having your daughter call the box office while you shout out questions for her to ask, spout out your credit card information so the ticket seller has to hear everything twice (once muffled, once clear)
then you should probably opt for choice #1.
Why do you need a middle...
Halloween is stupid, ladies
It really shouldn’t be.
But you make it so.
This is upsetting me, as a female and as a Ghostbusters fan.
http://www.buycostumes.com/Secret-Wishes-Ghostbuster-Sexy-Adult-Costume/31456/ProductDetail.aspx?REF=SCE-bizrate
Peevin'
Here’s Monday’s pet peeves.
1- Street cleaning. Why must you clean so many streets at once when you just cleaned them last week? Where are people supposed to park?!
2- Traffic jams that are not caused by accidents.
3- Married couples who talk to one another on Facebook all day. Not needed.
4- Customers who share way too much info when calling in, i.e. “It’s my...
September 2009
13 posts
4 tags
Count it!
Alright, public.
It is 2009. We have cellular devices which enable us to store so much information, they have nearly rendered us stupid, and we are de-evolving. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that the only numbers you need to commit to memory these days are:
1) Your social security number. 2) Your OWN phone number.
The comment “Well, I don’t know my number, because I...
7 tags
NOgurt!
It began, if I remember it correctly, with the invention of a vile marketing scheme for a product known as “Go-Gurt.” This stuff:
Looks appetizing, doesn’t it?! The idea Yoplait had was that kids can eat this yogurt on the go, without a utensil. Just suck the gooey goodness from a plastic tube. Because, kids have so many important things to get to on a daily basis, they simply...
Stupid Headlines
Natasha Richardson’s Family Will Never Forget Her source: People.com
Well, why would they? First of all, she just passed away six months ago, so unless your short term memory is shot all to hell, of course you remember. Secondly…she was her FAMILY! They aren’t heartless! It is very atypical for a family to just write off a loved one after their dead.
“Oh, mom? Who’s...
4 tags
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Definition
first date (n.)— In most cases, an instance in which two individuals who do not know one other very well spend several hours sharing a meal and awkward conversation with the understanding that, at least one of those people will want to put their mouth on the other one by the end of the evening.
see also: classy whoring
NOT the highlight of my day
“The guest will be departuring early.”
Departuring?! This was a hotel concierge talking like this. Just goes to show you, you may wear a fancy coat and heels to work, but it doesn’t make you smarter than the chick at the box office wearing jeans and a headset.
Highlight of my day
“I’m sorry, darlin’, I can barely hear ya! I’m on a locomotive!”
5 tags
today.
From arguing amongst one another about healthcare, to racist comments about our current President, to blowing up civilians in other countries “in the name of freedom”, to allowing people like Jon and Kate overstay their welcome in the media…9/11 really did change us, didn’t it, America?
We. Will. Never. Be. The. Same.
Take.Off.Your.Shoes.At. Security.
“Are you not finding out who that horse-riding hippie is?! Goddammit, Casey,...”
– Jo Feldman
People I went to high school with have children. Not babies, but legitimate children. Little people who can talk, hold full conversations, and learn things. This blows my mind. I can’t even keep a plant alive.
3 tags
Japan, in few words
So, I scribbled notes while on my trip. Here is what was captured in pen and ink, translated to blog form.
7:40, Central US time
On a plane Ambien taken Noodles eaten
Napped through 17 Again (Sorry, Zac) Awoke to snake time <—-(or, “snack”…please see above about the Ambien) Drinking wine Altitude drunk (CHECK!) Man, being on the way to Japan is so crazy. This old...
August 2009
23 posts
1 tag
Martha.
An ad for tomorrow’s Martha Stewart show was on.
“Guess who’s in our craft room…Q-Tip!”
Q-Tip. The rapper…hip hop artist…whatever.
Why is Martha hanging out with Q-Tip?
Next time I “tumble for ya” it may be a bit Japanesey.
Do it. Like, now!
1-888-225-7159
Menu option #…6, I think. You’re going to want to choose that if you want to hear a pirate talk. No joke. A land pirate works for Shutterfly. Go get some!
Convo with Dad
Dad: Savannah Square burned down.
Me: What?
Dad: The building where Holly cut hair.
Me: Oh, no! How?
Dad: It caught on fire.
Me: Well, I did not deserve that, Todd. I know it caught on fire! Do they think it was arson? Was it electrical?
Dad: They’re investigating. One of the women who rented space there is late paying her rent so they were going to throw her out…
Me: So you...
1 tag
Old friends
This is so out of focus, but could I look any happier than I do when I’m sandwiched by these kiwi gentlemen? Love them!
4 tags
Yes,yes, yep.
1 tag
6 tags
Best invention! Thanks 21st Century
Get one! Only 10 bones!
http://www.cellfoam.com/
1 tag
Great work!
http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/stage/1722784,CST-FTR-second19.article
1 tag
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My favorite thing today
Thank you, StumbleUpon
Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
Witness: “No.”
Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the...
G-Chat w/ Cully Johnston
6:54 PM me: Do cops get free tix?! 6:55 PM Cully: yeah t-th and sun 6:57 PM Don Johnson 6:58 PM Nash B., yo me: Manute Bol Cully: Keri Strug me: Jackson 5 7:00 PM Cully: Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway me: Little Man Tate Cully: G.I. Joe 7:02 PM me: Paul Reiser Cully: Billy Joel me: Dame Edna 7:03 PM Cully: Telford Forgety 7:04 PM me: John Fogerty Cully: Seal 7:05 PM me: Monica...
1 tag
Dear Concierge...
Calling the box office and immediately putting us on hold while taking up space in the queue is the quickest way to have me hang up on you.
Fave
Sounds like my kind of party…
(802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
3 tags
Lunch order welcome
Today, I ordered from Thai Aroma and I used their online system. When asked if I wanted my dish spicy, I declined. I just got an email confirmation about my lunch. It reads:
Mild Unless Requested Spicy! Choice~Mild - Welcome - No Jalapeno - Bell pepper only
That’s right, bitches. I welcome no jalapeno.
Thanks, Kelly Clarkson.
http://perezhilton.com/2009-08-12-kelly-clarkson-thinks-paula-departure-is-a-publicity-stunt
5 tags
Arr!
Excellent. And me with a birthday coming up!
(Cake Wrecks gets all the credit for this gem.)
3 tags
It's cookie time
First, I had some cookies.
Then, I had some Craisins. Then, there were more cookies.
Hello, lunch!
5 tags
Por Favor
Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you please call me from an unnecessarily loud location and provide me with all sorts of important info (i.e. your address, the correct spelling of your name, credit card number)?
Also, could you scream into my ear?
Thank you.
4 tags
Dear Chicago.
You only have two modes—begging for different temperatures/weather & questioning your ability to survive and “cope” with current weather conditions once you finally get the changes.
Guess what, Chicago. You are part of the planet. Weather happens. Sometimes it is cold and it snows a shit ton. I didn’t even grow up here and I knew that much. It is called...
2 tags
I had a dream that John Ratzenberger
was walking through one of those shops that sells really cheap clothing for tweens. I was there looking for something wear, sadly. I saw him and decided it was worth it to follow him so I could tell everyone, “Hey. Cliff Clavin was at this shitty shop.”
As I followed him, I ended up in a lecture hall that was filled with people taking some sort...
4 tags
Your rules do not apply to everyone
I am baffled on a daily basis by humans. I shouldn’t be. As I work in customer service, these questions, requests, proposals, the overall tomfoolery of humanity should be like old hat to me. It simply is not. Here’s an interesting one that happened today.
Caller: Hi. I’m looking online and I notice that you have two theaters. Are they both located in the downtown area?
Me: No...
Could you handle seeing this everytime you leave your home?
Right. So I was just listening to “Beat It” and really getting into it while driving back from Target and it got me thinking. We haven’t heard this much MJ on the radio since the 80’s, have we America? It made me incredibly sad. That dude was a creative genius, but our media became so obsessed with his quirks,...
“The pain factor was hideous”
– woman on, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant
“Chick, who is you?”
– Mr. Chi City