An ad for tomorrow’s Martha Stewart show was on. “Guess who’s in our craft room…Q-Tip!” Q-Tip. The rapper…hip hop artist…whatever. Why is Martha hanging out with Q-Tip? Next time I “tumble for ya” it may be a bit Japanesey.
Do it. Like, now!
1-888-225-7159 Menu option #…6, I think. You’re going to want to choose that if you want to hear a pirate talk. No joke. A land pirate works for Shutterfly. Go get some!
Convo with Dad
Dad: Savannah Square burned down. Me: What? Dad: The building where Holly cut hair. Me: Oh, no! How? Dad: It caught on fire. Me: Well, I did not deserve that, Todd. I know it caught on fire! Do they think it was arson? Was it electrical? Dad: They’re investigating. One of the women who rented space there is late paying her rent so they were going to throw her out… Me: So you...
This is so out of focus, but could I look any happier than I do when I’m sandwiched by these kiwi gentlemen? Love them!
Best invention! Thanks 21st Century
Get one! Only 10 bones! http://www.cellfoam.com/
My favorite thing today
Thank you, StumbleUpon Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?” Witness: “No.” Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the...
G-Chat w/ Cully Johnston
6:54 PM me: Do cops get free tix?! 6:55 PM Cully: yeah t-th and sun 6:57 PM Don Johnson 6:58 PM Nash B., yo me: Manute Bol Cully: Keri Strug me: Jackson 5 7:00 PM Cully: Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway me: Little Man Tate Cully: G.I. Joe 7:02 PM me: Paul Reiser Cully: Billy Joel me: Dame Edna 7:03 PM Cully: Telford Forgety 7:04 PM me: John Fogerty Cully: Seal 7:05 PM me: Monica...
Calling the box office and immediately putting us on hold while taking up space in the queue is the quickest way to have me hang up on you.
Sounds like my kind of party… (802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lunch order welcome
Today, I ordered from Thai Aroma and I used their online system. When asked if I wanted my dish spicy, I declined. I just got an email confirmation about my lunch. It reads: Mild Unless Requested Spicy! Choice~Mild - Welcome - No Jalapeno - Bell pepper only That’s right, bitches. I welcome no jalapeno.
Thanks, Kelly Clarkson.
Excellent. And me with a birthday coming up! (Cake Wrecks gets all the credit for this gem.)
It's cookie time
First, I had some cookies. Then, I had some Craisins. Then, there were more cookies. Hello, lunch!
Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you please call me from an unnecessarily loud location and provide me with all sorts of important info (i.e. your address, the correct spelling of your name, credit card number)? Also, could you scream into my ear? Thank you.
You only have two modes—begging for different temperatures/weather & questioning your ability to survive and “cope” with current weather conditions once you finally get the changes. Guess what, Chicago. You are part of the planet. Weather happens. Sometimes it is cold and it snows a shit ton. I didn’t even grow up here and I knew that much. It is called...
I had a dream that John Ratzenberger was walking through one of those shops that sells really cheap clothing for tweens. I was there looking for something wear, sadly. I saw him and decided it was worth it to follow him so I could tell everyone, “Hey. Cliff Clavin was at this shitty shop.” As I followed him, I ended up in a lecture hall that was filled with people taking some sort...
Your rules do not apply to everyone
I am baffled on a daily basis by humans. I shouldn’t be. As I work in customer service, these questions, requests, proposals, the overall tomfoolery of humanity should be like old hat to me. It simply is not. Here’s an interesting one that happened today. Caller: Hi. I’m looking online and I notice that you have two theaters. Are they both located in the downtown area? Me: No...
Could you handle seeing this everytime you leave your home? Right. So I was just listening to “Beat It” and really getting into it while driving back from Target and it got me thinking. We haven’t heard this much MJ on the radio since the 80’s, have we America? It made me incredibly sad. That dude was a creative genius, but our media became so obsessed with his quirks,...