Dear Chicago.
You only have two modes—begging for different temperatures/weather & questioning your ability to survive and “cope” with current weather conditions once you finally get the changes.
Guess what, Chicago. You are part of the planet. Weather happens. Sometimes it is cold and it snows a shit ton. I didn’t even grow up here and I knew that much. It is called “winter.” It happens every year and this is the midwest, so it lasts a long ass time. And all you do is beg for hotter temperatures. Temperatures I grew up in. Temperatures that make you feel as if your clothing is melting off your body. Temperatures that make you hate humanity. Temperatures that could potentially dehydrate you and make you pass out. Hot temperatures. Fucking hot, lousy, nasty, stuffy temperatures. You ask for it every year. You beg, you plead, you curse deities and demigods.
And then it comes…
And the news decides it will report on said hot weather which, for the record, ain’t that fucking hot. And they tell you you must stay indoors, you must drink two glasses of water before leaving the house, you must keep hydrated, you have to stay away from alcohol! And here you were begging for it, because you want to go drink a PBR outside so much and you’ve been thinking about that since February. Now look at what you’ve done.
Can you not be satisfied? It was a fantastic summer up until today. Enjoy your sweaty pits, necks, and crotches. This new Chicagoan, a Georgia girl by way of Las Vegas, Nevada, appreciates and cannot wait until Fall once again.
2 years ago • Notes